At around 4:30am today I awoke from my slumber, sat bolt upright and finally knew.
For weeks I have been walking around, trance-like, not knowing what to do, where to go or who to turn. A decision had to be made and I didn't know how to make it, yet as soon as I my eyes opened the decision was made.
As I sat smoking my first cigarette of the day in my bed, in the dark, I knew enough was enough. I no longer wanted to feel like I had been, my mind became clear.
I NEEDED TO GET BACK TO WHO I REALLY WAS. I WANTED MY LIFE BACK.
Ever since the consultant gave me the choices he did I have been the worst person to be around. My family have had to put up with my mood swings, my confusion, my anger and my pain. I haven't been able to write, I have spent less and less time online with people I have come to view as friends, the same friends that have been full of nothing but positivity towards me, and my dilemma.
WELL NO MORE RUNNING. NO MORE HIDING. NO MORE NEGATIVITY.
At 4:30 am today I finally decided that if my leg has to come off to give me a better, less painful, life then so be it.
OFF IT SHALL COME.
I want, no need, to get my writing back on track. I need to stop being so negative and I need look to the future. I will still be the same person with one and a half legs as I am with two, just slightly lighter, and if anyone doesn't like what they see
THAT'S THEIR PROBLEM.
THE REAL J S MORBIUS IS BACK
LOVE ME. HATE ME. YOU WILL NEVER FORGET ME.
3 comments:
I can appreciate how difficult this decision was for you Julez. I'm glad you're reached a decision you are at peace with.
Congratulations on your move to being positive and making your decision. I know you need to write. To not do this will cause you to fail, but continue your move froward into a life without pain. Love you buddy.
Yes!! I feel the strength of conviction in this post, and am so glad that you are taking the step to get back to you! Well done, honey!! xoxo
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