No more living a lie (m/m fiction)

I wasn't happy. I should've been after what I had just done, but I wasn't. For the past six months I had been having sex with a gorgeous woman, even though it wasn't me, and I had just told her that I wouldn't be able to see her again. She was understandably upset, but she would have been more upset if she knew the reason why. I did love her, in my own way, but I had just been living a lie. She was the first woman I had ever slept with and I only did it because I was trying to hide my true self. Ever since I could remember I had been attracted to men, and had even slept with a few, but because of the way some parts of society were I had tried to suppress my feelings, and sleeping with a woman was the only way I knew how.

However the longer I tried to stay in the relationship the more I wanted to get out of it. I'm sure she would have guessed that something was wrong because of the way I was acting. I had started making excuses not to see her as often; it was down to twice a week at the end and only then for a couple of hours a night. I even refused any attempt to have sex that she made. It just wasn't fair on her for me to be fucking her, yet all the time I was, wishing she was a man.

So here I was sat in the park, single, gay and alone. I wasn't even going to pretend that I was bi-sexual anymore, I was gay and there was nothing that could change that. Society could just get fucked. I would start going back to the gay bars that I used to frequent regularly and catch up with some of the friends that I made in those places. Friends that couldn't get to grips with the way I was would just have to accept that they had lost a good friend, I'm sure that any friends I lost could easily be replaced. Saving her from finding out from people gossiping, or worse still actually catching me at it, should have made me feel good but it didn't. At least I didn't cheat on her, perhaps telling her the truth would have been easier, but I just took the coward's way out.

Sitting there I found myself drawn to a group of people that I saw sat a few yards away from me, people that I recognized as friends that I had met while I was with her. I wondered whether to go over to see if she had already said something or not when one of them spotted me and waved me across. It was too late now and I walked towards the group not really knowing what to say. As I reached the group I found out my answer. Yes she had told a couple of them we had split but they said that, although it was a shame, it didn't have to affect our friendship and they didn't even ask why we had split. I thanked them for their kind words but excused myself, saying that I just needed to be alone, and that I would catch up with them soon.

I started to head towards home, not really in the mood to walk into any of our other friends, when I changed my mind and headed towards one of the gay clubs in town. There was only one way to get over the way I was feeling, and that was with an ass or mouth full of cock. Maybe if I got fucked soon enough I would stop feeling guilty about the way things had turned out.

The bar was fairly quiet when I arrived there, with only a dozen or so people there, but there were a couple of people that I knew. Walking towards the bar I greeted those and ordered a double whisky, which was the only type of drink, I would have tonight. I threw the first glass back quickly, too quickly really, and choked at the taste. It had been a while since I had drunk whisky and knew that too many of these would render me worse than useless, but if I was honest I didn't care that much.

Scanning the other people in the bar I wasn't too impressed with the looks of anyone in the bar and I was about to finish my drink and leave when the door swung open. Standing there in the doorway was one of the people that had spoken to me at the park. Had they followed me here to see where I went? Would they go and tell her the reason that she had been dumped was because her boyfriend was secretly gay? Whatever the reason I turned back to the bar and ordered another whisky. I couldn't leave while they were by the door, she would definitely find out then. Hoping they hadn't seen me I kept my head down and sipped my drink slowly.

"Hey fancy seeing you in here." I heard a voice call out.

Hoping they were shouting someone else I kept my head down and took another sip.

"Matt how come you are in here?" He was shouting me. 

"I-I-I often come in here for some peace." I stammered, lying through my teeth. 

"You do know what type of bar this is don't you?" 

"Just a bar that serves good whisky."I lied again. 

"For fuck's sake Matt it's a gay bar." 

"What are you going on about Simon?" I asked feigning surprise.

Simon looked at me with a look that told me he knew I was lying to him. 

"Well if that's the case why are you in here?" I asked "Okay you got me yes I'm bi-sexual and this is my regular." He told me. "But what about your missus you have been together ages?" "I know and she knows all about it and says as long as that she doesn't catch me and I don't talk about it she can live with it just." "But surely she can't be happy I mean you are still cheating on her?" I was confused. "Don't worry about it but what I want to know is why are you really here and why did you finish with Beth really?" "Well when I tell you you are going to think I'm mad." "Go on it can't be madder than what I just told you right?" Simon told me. "Well okay the reason I finished with her is because I have been living a lie and knew all along that I was gay." I gabbled out in one breath. "No fucking way Matt you are not gay and you never have been what's the real reason?" "I'm telling you the truth before I met Beth I only fucked women rarely, I would much prefer a cock than a cunt."

Simon stood there and looked at me opened mouthed, unsure whether he had heard me right. I drank the rest of my whisky and ordered another, things had gone wrong and Beth was bound to find out the truth now. It would have been better if I had just been honest with her at least she would have heard it from me. I just knew that Simon would tell his girlfriend and then, as she was Beth's best friend, she would tell Beth.

"I suppose you will tell all the others my secret now then?" I said to Simon. "Hell no way then they would all know mine." He replied. "And besides we might be able to help each other out." "Help each other how do you mean?" I asked but I already knew the answer. "Well you say you're gay and I'm bi-sexual and we both want to keep our little secret from the others..." "And you think that maybe if we get it together the others need never find out?" "Correct and as I always thought you were quite hot I would love to fuck you."

Taken aback by Simon's in-your-face attitude about the situation I wasn't sure what to say. Looking at him he was certainly someone that I could quite happily fuck. He had a good but not overly muscular body, was clean shaven and was slightly tanned. But there was the problem about Beth and his girlfriend. If Beth found out the truth I'm sure she would kill me and I think his girlfriend would probably help her. The trouble was I had been drinking whisky, was desperate for a fuck and here was one being offered to me on a plate. Not thinking as straight as I normally would I told Simon that I would love to fuck him but we had to leave straight away before I came to my senses. 

"Great just let me go for a piss and we'll go back to your place." Simon said walking out of the bar to the toilets.

As soon as he returned we left the bar and headed for mine, it was the only place we knew of that we could guarantee being empty. I couldn't believe that here I was with someone I had known for ages, never knew they liked men, and was taking him home to fuck. At that point it didn't even matter to me whether Beth found out my secret or not, I just needed Simon's cock.

"You know something Matt I'm sure Beth would have been just the same as my missus if you had told her the truth." Simon told me as we walked up my path. "No way I can't even believe Sue lets you get away with it." I replied fumbling for the front door key before finding it and swinging the door open.

As soon as the door was open we were tearing at each other's clothes, both of us knowing exactly what we wanted. Pushing at the door with my foot, hoping it closed, wasn't easy with Simon trying to rip my trousers off. Mind I was doing the same to him and, not even attempting the stairs, we fell in a heap into the living room. Untangling ourselves from rest of our clothes, we collapsed on to the sofa, tongues probing each other's mouths without a pause for breath. Reaching my hand down to Simon's boxer shorts I soon found out that his cock was fully erect. Wrapping my hand around his shaft I started to stroke his cock slowly, while pushing his hand down to mine. 

As soon as Simon's hand wrapped around my cock I felt the first tingling of anticipation running through my body like a small electrical current. It felt so good to have another man's hand around my cock after the time I had spent with Beth. Stroking Simon I knew what I wanted to do and slowly I lowered my head, flicking the end of his cock with my tongue, before taking his full length into my mouth. Bobbing my head up and down I soon had Simon begging me to fuck his ass. I let his cock drop out of my mouth and got him to kneel down in front of the sofa, his head resting on the cushions. Gripping his ass to separate his cheeks I pushed my cock against him probing his opening but not able to force my cock inside.

"Wait here I'll be one minute." I told him as I jumped up and headed towards the stairs. 

"For fucks sake hurry up I want your cock in my ass."

I took the stairs three at a time and ran into the bathroom, grabbing at the cupboard on the wall, and looked for what I needed. Rummaging through all the bottles of deodorant and shower gels I eventually found the lube that I was looking for, and hadn't used since I met Beth.

"Come on Matt hurry up my cock's going to soften." Simon shouted upstairs. 

"I've got what we need calm down."

I reached the bottom of the stairs in three jumps and ran back to where I left Simon, his ass in the air. Squirting the lube out of the tube on to my cock and rubbing some into Simon's ass I positioned myself behind him again and pushed my cock against him. This time my cock slid effortlessly into Simon, who let out a gasp of pleasure, and I began to slowly fuck his ass. Simon began pushing back to meet every thrust of my cock and I wasn't sure how long I would be able to last.

"Fuck me hard Matt fuck me and stroke me at the same time." He begged.

I reached my hand round his front and gripped his cock like he asked me to, each thrust in his ass causing me to stroke him at the same time. Quickening my thrusts I knew that I was about to cum and I wanted him to at the same time. 

"Simon I'm going to cum and I want you to cum with me." I told him breathlessly. 

"Yes Matt cum in my ass for me I want to feel you fill my ass."

Fucking him hard I could no longer hold back and my cock erupted, filling Simon's ass with my cum, and as I did Simon screamed out and shot his load all over my hands and sofa. I collapsed on top of Simon, my cock still in his ass, when Simon spoke.

"All those months you were with Beth we could have been doing this you know." He said. 

"Yes but it wouldn't have felt right I couldn't have cheated on her and besides I no longer have to live a lie." I replied. "Now when you've recovered it's your turn to fuck me and fuck me hard Simon."