In the past he had turned to pain to get through the hurt and hatred he felt. More than once he had taken an object and cut himself, thinking that the pain he felt would be released when the blood flowed freely from his body. He had sat and watched as the blood ran down his arms, legs and chest feeling the release that was needed. Once the cutting had finished he had felt better, he just didn’t know why.
Looking at the half empty bottle he knew that the release would come soon. Finally he would get the sleep that he had needed for so long, even though he knew that he would wake to the same despairing world that he so wanted to escape.
Another mouthful from the bottle slid easily down his throat. Jeez that feels real good. He thought to himself. The room started spinning whenever he shut his eyes but he didn’t care. Soon he would sleep and then there would be no problems. The only trouble he was having was that he couldn’t get the feeling of pain out of his system. The thoughts running through his mind once again turned to pain.
He stood and the room spun around. He reached out and grabbed the first thing he could, which was the sofa. He was glad there was nobody to see the state he was in. He hated feeling like this but he could see no way out of the mess. Walking to the kitchen he listened, hoping that everything stayed like it was. It was as quiet as a grave, just the way he liked it. There would be no distractions. Nothing could stop him this time. Finally the pain was going to stop.
He opened the kitchen draw, and very slowly took out what he was looking for. He took the knife from the draw and looked at it, the blade glistening in the light. Looking at his body he couldn’t decide what he should do. Do I go the whole way or just release myself? He questioned, not sure whether to just end the pain once and for all.
“Daddy can I have a glass of water please”
The voice shocked him, and he dropped the blade. Turning he saw his son standing there, a smile on his face. An innocent smile, not knowing what was going on, all he could see was his daddy. It was then he realized that no amount of pain was worth losing his boy. He reached out and picked his son up and it was then that the tears began to flow.