Wednesday, 4 May 2016

Wicked Wednesday: Maid of honour

Maid of honour

“You wanted to see me, Andrew?”
Lifting my head I stared across the office at Simon, my best friend and accountant for the last ten years.
“I did,” I replied. “Have you seen these figures? There's just something not quite right with them.”
“They looked fine to me when I filed your taxes last month.”
“Strange because I knew something wasn't right, and so had another accountant take a look for me,” I said, before standing up and heading to the drinks cabinet. “Scotch?”
“Just a small one, thanks.”
Pouring his drink I turned and handed him the glass.
“Aren't you having one?”
“No, I fancy a coffee,” I replied, as I pressed the button on my desk. “Coffee for one please.”
A couple of minutes later the door was tapped lightly.
Slowly the door opened and Helena, Simon's long-time fiancee, walked in wearing nothing more than a red and black lace suspender belt, fishnet stockings, red stilletos and a maid's lace headband.
“Thank you.” I said, before turning to Simon. “Have you met my new maid?”
Turning his head, and seeing Helena Simon flew out of his chair.
“What the fuck is going on here?”
“Calm down, Simon, it's not as bad as it looks,” I replied. “Well actually it is. I've noticed my books haven't been right for quite some time so, like I said, I had another accountant look at them.”
“Yes, you said. But why's Helena here and why the fuck is she dressed like that?”
Simon's face was red with rage, and I could see the veins on his neck pulsating as he spoke.
“Well can you imagine my surprise when the other accountant told me someone had been helping themselves to a sizeable chunk of my income over the last few years.”
“That still doesn't explain why my fiance is here, virtually naked and serving you coffee.”
“Well, as you were the only other person with access to my books, that someone had to be you.”
“What the fuck are you talking about? I would never do that. You're my best friend.”
“That's what I thought so I had a talk with Helena while you were away, on what you said was a stag do, last week and to my surprise she knew nothing about a stag do, but she did know I had given you the weekend off to go away for a romantic weekend. It's just a shame you forgot to take her.”
“But I never touched your damn money,” Simon protested, the colour slowly draing from his face.
“I didn't think you would but, once again, it was Helena who set me straight, telling me about all the lavish meals the two of you had been out on, the clothes and gifts you had been showering her with.”
“helena for god's sake get some fucking clothes on,” Simon demanded as he headed towards the door. “We're leaving. I don't have to put up with this bullshit.”
Lifting her head Helena looked towards me, nervously but I just smiled back at her and nodded.
“Actually, Simon, I'm going nowhere,” Helena said sternly.
“You see Simon I told Helena you'd try to get out of this and told her that, if you walk out of this office, the police will be waiting when you get home and you will be seeing the inside of a prison cell for a very long time.” I told him. “Luckily for you though, Helena begged me not to go to the police, and suggested we came to some sort of agreement to keep you out of prison.”
“That's right,” Helena interjected. “I offered to honour your friendship and help Andrew clear your mess up but, after finding out what you'd done to me, I decided being Andrew's new maid would embarrass you more. The fact I'm virtually naked was my idea.”
“Oh, Simon, by the way,” I chipped in. “You're fired! Now get the fuck off my property.”


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