Friday, 11 November 2011

A primer on Transition Part 2

As stated in my previous post I now present the second part of my look at transition, albeit earlier than I said, have to keep you all on your toes after all.

This part looks at special situations- for the transsexual that doesn't fit the our steps in the first part of this blog.


The Underage Transsexual:
You are under 18, and you know exactly what you are, and how much your body does not fit you. You have probably known since your earliest memory, usually around age five. This is very typical for transsexuals, what is not typical is that you can actually face all of this so young in life. You are very brave, or else suffering a very, very great deal. What should you do?
You will not like my answer, but if you follow it, you will survive, and you will succeed.
In general, wait. I know that this is a terrible thing to hear. I know that you are suffering and it is the last thing you want to hear. But understand something clearly: you have three-fourths, or MORE of your life ahead of you. Things feel extra desperate to you because you have only been alive for less than two decades. Your pain is real, but the intensity of it is being magnified by time and by the power of your raging hormones.
The one thing you need to do is to endure, and to prepare. Endure the pain, and prepare for when you are not powerless, for when you can truly take action to fix your life. If you are good at doing this, your transition will be almost the best imaginable. You will be able to sail through what others suffer through.
To transition, you will need three things, when you get old enough to act. You will need  the best job you can get, to support yourself completely, and afford the hormones, and the surgery, if you choose to go for surgery. That job needs to be as high tech, as intellectual, as you can make it. Such jobs not only pay more, they also attract more educated and liberal people to them, meaning you can stay employed while you transition. You also need education...about your condition, and about your options, and about the world. You need smarts to survive. Lastly, you need to be alive. Yes, I know the misery is great, and suicide is always on your mind. I was there myself. Face it, you are going to have to hurt for awhile: but you must endure, because you cannot transition if you are dead. Stay alive, and win.
As for parents: you should be able to tell what your parents attitudes are about these matters. If they are narrow, face that and keep your secret until you are old enough to survive on your own. It won't be that long. Seriously, it really won't; it just feels like it.
Lastly, and this is absolutely vital: DO NOT have children before transition under false pretenses. By false pretenses, I mean getting involved with someone who you are in love with, and figuring that this will cure your being transsexual, and that if you just get married and have a kid, it will change you, and straighten you out.
This delusion, that by jumping into a 'normal' life you can cure yourself, or make the pain go away, or fix your problem is the main way that transsexuals mess up their lives, and also the lives of others. It simply does not work. All that will happen is that you will end up losing your children, and your partner, and still be driven to transition, only at a much older age, with more problems, and less perfect results. The younger you transition, the better you will pass, and look, and succeed. Don't screw up your potential, and avoid the delusion that you can be 'cured' by pretending to be normal.

The Elderly Transsexual
I, personally, have known transsexuals who successfully completed transition, surgery and all, in their eighties. Eighty years old. 80. If they can do it, you can do it. Being old is not a limitation here, beyond basic health issues.
Yes, transitioning young has better results. An interesting thing, however, is that being very young, and being very old, have a similar benefit in terms of passing. A very old person can pass well with transition, because as we greatly age, we all, male and female, tend to look more alike. Great age tends to even us all out. The truly difficult period for transition is the part in the middle, between youth and old age, when sexual differences are the most obvious.

The Handicapped Transsexual
Perhaps you are in a wheelchair, or perhaps you have a chronic disease. Perhaps you have emotional problems, or a mental condition. I won't lie to you, your situation is a lot harder in being transsexual on top of all of that. If you want transition, you will have to fight harder than anyone, and there is no easy way to put that fact. However, you should know that people have succeeded, even people who are quads, people with serious mental and emotional damage, even people who cannot hold a job. It is not unheard of. That, at least, is something.

The Hopelessly Unpassable Transsexual
Almost certainly, in thinking you will never, ever, ever hope to pass, to be accepted, you are wrong. In most cases, people who are convinced they cannot succeed because of the way they look, because of their shoulders, or neck, or chest, or size, or weight, or height, or face, are all completely, utterly wrong. Hormones are amazing, they change the body so dramatically, that there is no way to adequately state the fact. If a person is so unfortunate as to not be strongly affected by hormones, cosmetic surgery can cure a host of ills. But mostly, your problem is almost certainly that you do not clearly see your own situation, and potential.
However, there are some, who truly can never hope to pass. Some who truly cannot realistically hope to ever be fully accepted as their target gender and sex. Perhaps it is an issue with hormones, perhaps it is the shape of their skeleton, or some other real and strong issue. For those, there is only one way to evaluate the problem, and that way is actually the basic rule any transsexual must use, which is to ask oneself exactly what one can live with, and what one cannot bear to live without. In that question is the answer to the issue of surgery, of beginning transition at all, of bothering with anything, really.  It all comes down to 'what can I put up with, and what can I not stand to bear?'
It is possible to transition, and be unpassable, and still have a decent life. There are many ways to do this. One might, for example, have surgery, the whole thing, and still work in the original gender role, only being ones real self at home. People have done this, are doing this now. One can simply face the world, however one turns out, and deal with it. Those with a thick hide, who can ignore any nasty words, do this, and there are more than a few. Life is harder, sure. But at least life is closer to what is needed, than before. And ultimately, transition is about only one thing: having a life one can bear to live.





1 comment:

Vampirique Dezire said...

Julez, even though your blog is for 18+, I am sure as with most of our adult blogs that there are those who shouldn't be on them, visiting and I'm hoping that if this post reaches only one such teen, then it is worth it.

This post made my eyes water at the pain that a teen has to go through. The advice given was so well done and so easy to understand.
I'm glad you posted it and so glad you found a website to borrow it from that doesn't mince words.

Growing up as a straight teen is hard enough and can cause all sorts of problems but for those who are gay or transexual, it must be magnified a million times over.

Keep up the good work honey, I know how strongly you feel about it and I'm glad you have decided to hit the world head on about it.
Sometimes it takes a person of a totally different sexual persuasion to open up the eyes of those who are close minded.

*bites n kisses*